The silence was not unlike that of the battlefield. They were trapped in a never ending circle: kill or be killed. There were always more titans and there were always more recruits. Who actually gave a damn about humanity when they were sacrificing themselves so much? Would there ever actually be an end to this, and if so who would come out on top?
Is there even really a difference being made if those monsters were just multiplying, how the hell did he know he wasn’t one himself?
No, no, he had to be rational. Jin normally kept a level head on things like this, but being on a three day expedition could really get to anyone’s head. This was only the second day, and now that they had been left to sit alone with their thoughts in the dark of the night while simultaneously crossing their fingers that they didn’t see another friend devoured his grip on his sanity was loosening.
“ Thanks for the sweet talk, but I just need the truth. Times like this it’s hard knowing if I’d rather die or keep fighting something we may never beat. ”
{ ●•۰•☯•۰•● }
Katara’s mind shied away from pessimism, always teetering on the border between being more realistic or optimistic – but even she could feel the darkness creeping up after two days out here. she’d nearly lost her best friend, her brother, and there’s no telling how many faces she’ll never see again after today. ( especially today ) they were all worn out, and even if she didn’t know this soldier’s name, they were like family. they had a common tie, a bond forged from suffering, from fear. she looks at him with concern, mustering up the energy to scoot closer to listen to his words.
she reaches up, pulls her hair down and brushes her fingers through it, avoiding his eyes. her first reaction had been to tell him no, to encourage him to look towards the light. what they’re experiencing now is nothing compared to death, compared to what might come after ( or the possible absence, the void that is inescapable ). she watched her own mother die, she heard the screams and felt the silence. she could look a titan in the eye – she’d rather that then hear that same voice, or the voice of her closest friends, her own voices. or perhaps she’s just fooling herself.
she tucks her knees against her chest, inhaling deeply before slowly letting the long breath out. maybe this guy was right. maybe they’ll never beat the titans. “ I never lied, “ she breathes, tucking her hair behind her ear, glancing his way and quickly averting her gaze back to the ground, “ it might be sugar-coated, but even if there’s a million titans, we got rid of a handful today. in a few weeks time, in a few years, handful after handful, there might be a place for out children, or our children’s children, to roam free, “ her voices wavers, “ to be safe. “ she closes her eyes and smiles. “ At least, that’s just what I picture in my mind. I have to keep hope, or else there’s nothing to fight for. There’s always hope. “ the mention of ‘hope’ causes her eyes to draw to the sleeping figures around them, to the wandering soldiers too anxious to sit or lay down. to the senior officers – then to her friends who sit far in the distance. she runs her hands over her face.
“ I’d rather die trying to beat it than die knowing I did nothing, “ she looks at him again with a shrug, “ but I guess everyone has their own reasons for being here. “
